Monday, September 28, 2009

Chugging Along

Well, I have been at the weight loss/Walking game again for 1.5 weeks...weight has stayed fairly much the same, but I am working up tot he 3 miles a day I was doing before my hiatus. I am hoping to get a few lb's off here soon and get back to 1-derland instead of 2-much weight that I am at now...hehe

Kids are doing well in school. Mitch is loving school and enjoying the bus ride. Bad thing is that public school can sometimes expose the kids to things you wish they didn't have exposure to, but the flip side is that they learn that not everyone is nice in the world.
Mitch came home the other day and told me something on the way home. It was so hard not to be angry and giggle all at once.

Imagine if you will, my little Mitch sitting in the backseat. Whenever Mitch talks it is cute, she has this under bite that is hereditary and when she says certain things it just looks cute/funny.

Mitch is the 'Polite police'...this is what we call her at home, since she is often the one who tells everyone if they are saying or doing something that is neither nice nor appropriate...yes, she says appropriate...
Anyway, she tells me that two boys were fighting and she told them that it was not nice to fight and that they should be friends. One boy looked at her and said "mind your own business you stinky butthole" At this point I was glancing in the child mirror I have and could see her face....I had to watch myself so I would not giggle (her jaw jutted out and the look of absolute disgust as some little kid called HER a stinky butthole) as I told her that indeed, that was mean and inappropriate and she should have told a teacher. She said she did and the kid had to go to the Principal's office.
Now, I am NOT mother of the year, but I was not pleased someone called my sweet Mitch a stinky butthole, but, I just have not heard this b-word for so long, was flabbergasted that a Kindergartner said it and the look on her face, I had to giggle and be angry at once...I just hope she didn't see or hear me and will not need therapy for it later on.

Saturday, September 12, 2009


There have been many issues involved with the Orphanage I have worked with in Haiti. Accusations of abuse, both sexual and physical. While I do not know the whole story, I have heard MUCH of it from both sides. I have learned that one of my children had been physically abused by their caretaker, and still shows the mental scars today.
I do not pretend that Haiti is perfect, the Orphanage I work with has been perfect, or the man whom I help is perfect. What I do know is that in Haiti many say 'T.I.H." This is Haiti...

This last week there was a HUGE blow-up on a yahoo group that is full of families that have adopted, are adopting, or otherwise support this orphanage. I myself, became involved with the angry banter, not that I am proud of it, but I had said some not so nice things. We have had one or two on the group that even though they are well versed in the Bible, tend to live their life higher than others and point it out in full force while quoting the Bible as the backup to their nastiness.
Now, I am usually not one to judge peoples relationships with Christ. I, myself, stumble every day and know that I am not in the right place with God as I wish I was. I see to many things in life that out weigh my ability to serve him in full.
I also want to note that while adopting our 2 youngest, I had to take a Psychological Evaluation test that pulls out your characteristics of your personality......I scored CLINICAL on Social Justice. What that means is that if I feel like someone is being treated unfairly, I tend to respond 100% to the extreme to redeem that person or thing and will not rest until I feel like I have been heard.
Now, I am not trying to use this as an excuse, but when I hear people say something that they state is 100% truth about someone, not knowing that persons 100% truth, motives etc. about the situation, I will go off like a grenade. (I have to say it is nice to know there is some technical/psychological thing for this since my family always thought I just liked to start fights..hehe)
Anyway, I responded to someone angrier than I should have and feel bad that the others involved may have missed the point I was making. I hope that people begin to realize that we are dealing with sensitive issues such as children's lives and the reputation of a man who has given his life to these orphans.
I hope all that are involved are healed, find themselves right with God and do not tarnish one mans life to so-called heal another.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


Lately I have followed as some of my family members have battled with addiction. Addiction is a disease that you must fight by choice. I have members on 2 different sides of my family that suffer. Once side suffers more than the other since I can pin point that every member of this side has an addiction to one thing or another, whether it be food, booze or pills/drugs. It is hard to put in writing the way it makes me feel. I, myself suffer from addiction and have to fight it every day.

My bio father was Bi-Polar as well as an Addict. He suffered from this every day of his life. Sometimes I handled it OK, other days I wanted to pretend that he didn't exist and I didn't have to deal with it. Most of my life I was the parent in the relationship and he was the child. He passed away 1 year ago in March at the age of 53...we buried him two days before his 54th B-day. He passed from a massive heart attack. More than likely it was due to the years of abuse he put his body thru. I watched him fight with himself and often think of him when I fight my daily fight against whatever is getting to me. I miss him terribly and fell angry that my children were robbed of a grandpa that loved them very much. Even with his bad back he would get on the floor to give pony rides or bend over to pick them up. They always understood Grandpa was sick, grandpa was in the hospital etc...but they never understood why. The day I told me oldest two was a hard day for me, to tell them honestly about what ailed grandpa Rick and the hope that it never happened to me or anyone else they knew.

I spoke to my Cousin T this weekend. He has spent some time incarcerated as well as in rehab. He continues to make bad choices even though the right ones are staring him in the face. I want so much to help him and don't know how. It really is a decision that he has to make for himself. He and I discussed his 'Disease' called addiction and how he cannot control it. I reminded him that I have an Addictive past as well and every day is a fight for me to make the right choices. His girlfriend and baby have left him due to his drinking and addiction to sex and he is lost, no belief in any higher power or way to get himself out. I fear that one day we will get a call that he is gone and wonder what we could have done to help him. I know that some in my family would think it was good riddance to bad rubbish; but he is a human , a relative, a loved can we turn our back on him. Maybe I think that way because I fear that one day I could be the one they turn their back on because I have made the wrong choices as well.

I now have another cousin K that is fighting a pill addiction. When I hear how far down the spiral she has gone it saddens me. I want to heal her as well, but once again know that only she can make the decision to heal and want to be healed. Her mother and father have no way to help her as she suffers from this pill addiction. It has cost her her job and is costing her her family. She sleeps all the time, neglects her family and is lost as well. She has said she would go to out patient treatment but she has not. Once again, I fear that we will get a call that she has OD'ed....a very real fear since she has accidentally done it once already.... my fear is that the next time she cannot be saved.

Me, my addiction is food. I hide myself in it, find pleasure in it and know that sometimes I eat when there is no physical hunger, just emotional hunger. I am not sure I am hiding from any 1 thing, maybe many things. I have always been friendly and tend to make friends easily. I am the fun one of the group, telling jokes and making the crowd have a good that me, or is that me hiding..I do not know. When I have had surgery in the past I always get my prescriptions and give them to my hubby. Not that I know I will take them to much, but that I FEAR that I might. He doles them out and is my enabler in a different sense....enabling me to be safe. He and I have spoken many times my fears of being Bi-Polar, Addiction etc. One of the reasons I am glad we adopted-deepen the gene pool a little in that area..hehe

It is a standing order in the area of addiction that should I ever become addicted to pills, drugs, booze etc, to the point that I am incapable of making the correct decisions that he will instantly find me help no matter how much I beg, promise or plead. Until then, I fight the every day fight of weight and food and hope that I find the balance I desperately need.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Ceus Boys

This summer we had the privilege to meet C-Mans bio brother J. J is 11, C-Man is 8. These two boys knew who each other was instantly. The similarity between them was amazing. To take 2 kids who have never spent time together and put them in the same room you would have thought they had been best buds forever. Toes with the same creases, same facial expressions and dimples, same head shape (Jimmy Neutron...hehe) giggles that were alike and the same orneriness and charm that ooze from them.
J lives in Oregon, about 7 or so hours from us. His family is wonderful. It was great getting to meet them and see who this little guy was...amazing time.

Ceus Boys

Jumping on the Trampoline

My Crazy Clan plus Juneau and his Brother Jackson. ( I am NOT trying to marry Jackson off before his time, he is a tender 17 almost 18, but ladies...he is going to be an awesome God loving, kind man soon!) hehe

Our Daddy

Daddy with one of his Princesses

Christmas Pepsi Mug

Die Hard BBQ Fan....even in the rain!
I wanted to take a few minutes to write a few lines about our daddy. Our daddy is the greatest daddy of all. Sept. 5th marked our daddies 39th b-day...he is quickly approaching the 40 year mark, but we will not mention it out loud in case it makes it come sooner!