Tuesday, October 20, 2009


I have never been good at juggling. I am on this down spiral of trying to juggle home, work, kids, personal life etc. I feel like there is no time for anything and that I am just running around chasing my own tail, never catching it.
I am so thankful for the job, it has helped catch up on bills and keep us afloat during the recession and provided less stress money wise in many aspects. It does however put a damper on personal time and time for kids. I find that I blame myself for a lot of things that probably are not all my fault, but I am the mom, which I believe alot of times is synonymous with the word Martyr. :-)

I have a kid whose grades are sliding, a choice that I believe that the child is making because they are becoming older...how do I NOT blame myself for the choices my child makes? Doesn't it reflect on me as a parent? It is hard to let go and let the child take the reins and responsibility of their own choices they are making, VERY HARD!

I need to reflect on what my ideals are and what is important. I have always been OCD with my house....it MUST look presentable (read spotless), at least downstairs where people may come by and see it. I fear that if they come and it is cluttered I will be deemed a crappy housekeeper, mother and person...not true more than likely, but my thoughts none the less.
I need to remember to stop and smell the roses with my kids, something that I have had alot of difficulty with since I began working outside the home. It has been a year and today I told Curt that I felt that our kids were suffering some for my need to work, but there was nothing to do about it since I need to work so we can keep our home and keep up on bills.
I blame myself for one child's difficulty learning in school. Even though this child has been in Haiti until the age of 3 and had little to no stimulation until they were home...a little bit of a late bloomer and a desire to be the baby forever is also happening I believe. It is hard, this juggling game I play. Some days I wish that I could just close the door and curtains, turn off the phone and just call into every ones work and school "NO, we are having a family day today!"

Prayers for me as I struggle with this, I know I am not the only one doing 500 things at once. I am thankful beyond belief for the ability to have a job when others do not have one to be frustrated with....I need to remember to be THANKFUL and Embrace the Grace more often.

A poem that hangs above my desk that I have looked at alot lately:

The 'things of Earth, the 'stuff' that gets to you
Will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace

Learn to accept God's Grace
That is what His son died for.

3 Simple words: EMBRACE THE GRACE

Sunday, October 18, 2009

H1N1 or Not?

Over the last couple of weeks all of us (minus healthy Curtis) have had one form of the flu or another. It started with Hunter and his cough, fever of 103* and sleeping all the time. Moved to Demi and her cough, low fever of 100* and sleeping and then a rash on her face. Nikaya chimed in with cough, sore throat and fever of 101* and sleeping and finished up the kid cycle with Kai and coughing, sore throat, fever of only 99-100*. Cough is hanging on with Kai, Demi only if she giggles to hard, but all in all we are recovering. I decided to take my turn last weekend (soooo glad it chose a weekend for me so I could waste my time on the couch..hehe). I 'meditated' on the couch (what the kids call it if I fall asleep watching T.V.) and had a low grade fever of 100*. My head and body hurt so bad I was in tears, whining or just being a big baby most of the time. Curtis has remained healthy as usual....stinker!

We are glad we are recovering and were able to attend Church today. I went to fights on Friday (didn't work these, just watched for once) and Cheer, grocery day, lawn mowing day for Sat. and Church and B-day party at the neighbors for today. Busy weekend, but I managed to meditate a little today while the kids were gone..hehe
Friday fights are coming up on Oct. 23rd and I will be Medic for those. Anxious to see the guys and who is fighting who this time...praying for nothing serious injury wise and the ability to care for them as necessary.

Had a great moment at church today when I was able to explain why we take Communion and true salvation to Hunter. To see in his eyes a little of what it truly means was wonderful. I think it is an analogy I will use with a couple of my friends to see if it makes more sense to them.
Imagine, you committed a horrible crime (robbery, murder) and the cops came for you but your friend said THEY did it instead. The cops take your friend and decide that the best punishment for the crime is torture and death- your friend takes that punishment for you even though you did not deserve it, YOU were the criminal, not your friend.

I loved seeing the lights totally come on for him and will try to begin the explanation for our other children. We have always taught them about God, Church and Faith, but to see true understanding of THE SACRIFICE that was made was wonderful to me. Whenever we have Communion I am often over come with tears as I imagine the hugeness of what was done for me. I begin to feel overwhelmed at the feeling and have to think happy thoughts as not to fall into tears and lay in the aisle bawling that I am yucky and glad he died for me anyway...not really a good scene I think...hehe

I hope this finds everyone well, recovering and just enjoying life, until next time-Embrace the Grace!