Monday, March 21, 2011

Loss in Adoption

One thing people always say when they talk to us or our children when we discuss adoption is how 'lucky' the kids are that we adopted them. I love to tell people that WE are the ones who are lucky enough to be blessed to raise them as ours, and that we have the opportunity to do so because someone else made a very difficult decision to give their child/ren up.

One thing many do not understand bout adoption is the loss involved in it. In order for us to be happy and joyful that we have children, someone else must be sad that they are giving their child away to be raised by someone else. While I am so honored to have the kids I have, in a perfect world, their Birth families would have had the option of raising them on their own, without this even being a 'choice' they had to make.

People underplay the loss that a child feels during the process of adoption, one that can last their entire lives. I see this sadness, anger, misunderstanding and grappling with the truth in my own kids every day.
Does this mean they are unhappy with their lives? No. Does it mean we are not doing a good job raising them? No. What it means is that they have an innate NEED to know WHO they are, WHERE they came from and WHY their life is the way it is.
One of the things we try to tell our kids often is that it is OK to ask questions about Haiti, Adoption, their Birth Families etc. We WANT them to understand that it does NOT make us angry nor does it make us feel makes us happy to be able to share with them what we know about their pasts and to find out what we do not know so we can fill in the blanks if possible.

To see your child hurting due to something no one can change, it is hard. I pray that we will be blessed to pass on to our children as much knowledge about themselves and one day make a trip to Haiti to see where they are from and hopefully reconnect with Birth Families. Until then, I pray for guidance and wisdom in raising them to be proud of who they are, sure of their places in this world and their guarantee for the next one.

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