Juggling

I have never been good at juggling. I am on this down spiral of trying to juggle home, work, kids, personal life etc. I feel like there is no time for anything and that I am just running around chasing my own tail, never catching it.
I am so thankful for the job, it has helped catch up on bills and keep us afloat during the recession and provided less stress money wise in many aspects. It does however put a damper on personal time and time for kids. I find that I blame myself for a lot of things that probably are not all my fault, but I am the mom, which I believe alot of times is synonymous with the word Martyr. :-)

I have a kid whose grades are sliding, a choice that I believe that the child is making because they are becoming older...how do I NOT blame myself for the choices my child makes? Doesn't it reflect on me as a parent? It is hard to let go and let the child take the reins and responsibility of their own choices they are making, VERY HARD!

I need to reflect on what my ideals are and what is important. I have always been OCD with my house....it MUST look presentable (read spotless), at least downstairs where people may come by and see it. I fear that if they come and it is cluttered I will be deemed a crappy housekeeper, mother and person...not true more than likely, but my thoughts none the less.
I need to remember to stop and smell the roses with my kids, something that I have had alot of difficulty with since I began working outside the home. It has been a year and today I told Curt that I felt that our kids were suffering some for my need to work, but there was nothing to do about it since I need to work so we can keep our home and keep up on bills.
I blame myself for one child's difficulty learning in school. Even though this child has been in Haiti until the age of 3 and had little to no stimulation until they were home...a little bit of a late bloomer and a desire to be the baby forever is also happening I believe. It is hard, this juggling game I play. Some days I wish that I could just close the door and curtains, turn off the phone and just call into every ones work and school "NO, we are having a family day today!"

Prayers for me as I struggle with this, I know I am not the only one doing 500 things at once. I am thankful beyond belief for the ability to have a job when others do not have one to be frustrated with....I need to remember to be THANKFUL and Embrace the Grace more often.

A poem that hangs above my desk that I have looked at alot lately:

The 'things of Earth, the 'stuff' that gets to you
Will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace

Learn to accept God's Grace
That is what His son died for.

3 Simple words: EMBRACE THE GRACE

H1N1 or Not?

Over the last couple of weeks all of us (minus healthy Curtis) have had one form of the flu or another. It started with Hunter and his cough, fever of 103* and sleeping all the time. Moved to Demi and her cough, low fever of 100* and sleeping and then a rash on her face. Nikaya chimed in with cough, sore throat and fever of 101* and sleeping and finished up the kid cycle with Kai and coughing, sore throat, fever of only 99-100*. Cough is hanging on with Kai, Demi only if she giggles to hard, but all in all we are recovering. I decided to take my turn last weekend (soooo glad it chose a weekend for me so I could waste my time on the couch..hehe). I 'meditated' on the couch (what the kids call it if I fall asleep watching T.V.) and had a low grade fever of 100*. My head and body hurt so bad I was in tears, whining or just being a big baby most of the time. Curtis has remained healthy as usual....stinker!

We are glad we are recovering and were able to attend Church today. I went to fights on Friday (didn't work these, just watched for once) and Cheer, grocery day, lawn mowing day for Sat. and Church and B-day party at the neighbors for today. Busy weekend, but I managed to meditate a little today while the kids were gone..hehe
Friday fights are coming up on Oct. 23rd and I will be Medic for those. Anxious to see the guys and who is fighting who this time...praying for nothing serious injury wise and the ability to care for them as necessary.

Had a great moment at church today when I was able to explain why we take Communion and true salvation to Hunter. To see in his eyes a little of what it truly means was wonderful. I think it is an analogy I will use with a couple of my friends to see if it makes more sense to them.
Imagine, you committed a horrible crime (robbery, murder) and the cops came for you but your friend said THEY did it instead. The cops take your friend and decide that the best punishment for the crime is torture and death- your friend takes that punishment for you even though you did not deserve it, YOU were the criminal, not your friend.

I loved seeing the lights totally come on for him and will try to begin the explanation for our other children. We have always taught them about God, Church and Faith, but to see true understanding of THE SACRIFICE that was made was wonderful to me. Whenever we have Communion I am often over come with tears as I imagine the hugeness of what was done for me. I begin to feel overwhelmed at the feeling and have to think happy thoughts as not to fall into tears and lay in the aisle bawling that I am yucky and glad he died for me anyway...not really a good scene I think...hehe

I hope this finds everyone well, recovering and just enjoying life, until next time-Embrace the Grace!

Chugging Along

Well, I have been at the weight loss/Walking game again for 1.5 weeks...weight has stayed fairly much the same, but I am working up tot he 3 miles a day I was doing before my hiatus. I am hoping to get a few lb's off here soon and get back to 1-derland instead of 2-much weight that I am at now...hehe

Kids are doing well in school. Mitch is loving school and enjoying the bus ride. Bad thing is that public school can sometimes expose the kids to things you wish they didn't have exposure to, but the flip side is that they learn that not everyone is nice in the world.
Mitch came home the other day and told me something on the way home. It was so hard not to be angry and giggle all at once.

Imagine if you will, my little Mitch sitting in the backseat. Whenever Mitch talks it is cute, she has this under bite that is hereditary and when she says certain things it just looks cute/funny.

Mitch is the 'Polite police'...this is what we call her at home, since she is often the one who tells everyone if they are saying or doing something that is neither nice nor appropriate...yes, she says appropriate...
Anyway, she tells me that two boys were fighting and she told them that it was not nice to fight and that they should be friends. One boy looked at her and said "mind your own business you stinky butthole" At this point I was glancing in the child mirror I have and could see her face....I had to watch myself so I would not giggle (her jaw jutted out and the look of absolute disgust as some little kid called HER a stinky butthole) as I told her that indeed, that was mean and inappropriate and she should have told a teacher. She said she did and the kid had to go to the Principal's office.
Now, I am NOT mother of the year, but I was not pleased someone called my sweet Mitch a stinky butthole, but, I just have not heard this b-word for so long, was flabbergasted that a Kindergartner said it and the look on her face, I had to giggle and be angry at once...I just hope she didn't see or hear me and will not need therapy for it later on.

Issues

There have been many issues involved with the Orphanage I have worked with in Haiti. Accusations of abuse, both sexual and physical. While I do not know the whole story, I have heard MUCH of it from both sides. I have learned that one of my children had been physically abused by their caretaker, and still shows the mental scars today.
I do not pretend that Haiti is perfect, the Orphanage I work with has been perfect, or the man whom I help is perfect. What I do know is that in Haiti many say 'T.I.H." This is Haiti...

This last week there was a HUGE blow-up on a yahoo group that is full of families that have adopted, are adopting, or otherwise support this orphanage. I myself, became involved with the angry banter, not that I am proud of it, but I had said some not so nice things. We have had one or two on the group that even though they are well versed in the Bible, tend to live their life higher than others and point it out in full force while quoting the Bible as the backup to their nastiness.
Now, I am usually not one to judge peoples relationships with Christ. I, myself, stumble every day and know that I am not in the right place with God as I wish I was. I see to many things in life that out weigh my ability to serve him in full.
I also want to note that while adopting our 2 youngest, I had to take a Psychological Evaluation test that pulls out your characteristics of your personality......I scored CLINICAL on Social Justice. What that means is that if I feel like someone is being treated unfairly, I tend to respond 100% to the extreme to redeem that person or thing and will not rest until I feel like I have been heard.
Now, I am not trying to use this as an excuse, but when I hear people say something that they state is 100% truth about someone, not knowing that persons 100% truth, motives etc. about the situation, I will go off like a grenade. (I have to say it is nice to know there is some technical/psychological thing for this since my family always thought I just liked to start fights..hehe)
Anyway, I responded to someone angrier than I should have and feel bad that the others involved may have missed the point I was making. I hope that people begin to realize that we are dealing with sensitive issues such as children's lives and the reputation of a man who has given his life to these orphans.
I hope all that are involved are healed, find themselves right with God and do not tarnish one mans life to so-called heal another.

Addiction

Lately I have followed as some of my family members have battled with addiction. Addiction is a disease that you must fight by choice. I have members on 2 different sides of my family that suffer. Once side suffers more than the other since I can pin point that every member of this side has an addiction to one thing or another, whether it be food, booze or pills/drugs. It is hard to put in writing the way it makes me feel. I, myself suffer from addiction and have to fight it every day.



My bio father was Bi-Polar as well as an Addict. He suffered from this every day of his life. Sometimes I handled it OK, other days I wanted to pretend that he didn't exist and I didn't have to deal with it. Most of my life I was the parent in the relationship and he was the child. He passed away 1 year ago in March at the age of 53...we buried him two days before his 54th B-day. He passed from a massive heart attack. More than likely it was due to the years of abuse he put his body thru. I watched him fight with himself and often think of him when I fight my daily fight against whatever is getting to me. I miss him terribly and fell angry that my children were robbed of a grandpa that loved them very much. Even with his bad back he would get on the floor to give pony rides or bend over to pick them up. They always understood Grandpa was sick, grandpa was in the hospital etc...but they never understood why. The day I told me oldest two was a hard day for me, to tell them honestly about what ailed grandpa Rick and the hope that it never happened to me or anyone else they knew.



I spoke to my Cousin T this weekend. He has spent some time incarcerated as well as in rehab. He continues to make bad choices even though the right ones are staring him in the face. I want so much to help him and don't know how. It really is a decision that he has to make for himself. He and I discussed his 'Disease' called addiction and how he cannot control it. I reminded him that I have an Addictive past as well and every day is a fight for me to make the right choices. His girlfriend and baby have left him due to his drinking and addiction to sex and he is lost, no belief in any higher power or way to get himself out. I fear that one day we will get a call that he is gone and wonder what we could have done to help him. I know that some in my family would think it was good riddance to bad rubbish; but he is a human , a relative, a loved one...how can we turn our back on him. Maybe I think that way because I fear that one day I could be the one they turn their back on because I have made the wrong choices as well.



I now have another cousin K that is fighting a pill addiction. When I hear how far down the spiral she has gone it saddens me. I want to heal her as well, but once again know that only she can make the decision to heal and want to be healed. Her mother and father have no way to help her as she suffers from this pill addiction. It has cost her her job and is costing her her family. She sleeps all the time, neglects her family and is lost as well. She has said she would go to out patient treatment but she has not. Once again, I fear that we will get a call that she has OD'ed....a very real fear since she has accidentally done it once already.... my fear is that the next time she cannot be saved.



Me, my addiction is food. I hide myself in it, find pleasure in it and know that sometimes I eat when there is no physical hunger, just emotional hunger. I am not sure I am hiding from any 1 thing, maybe many things. I have always been friendly and tend to make friends easily. I am the fun one of the group, telling jokes and making the crowd have a good time...is that me, or is that me hiding..I do not know. When I have had surgery in the past I always get my prescriptions and give them to my hubby. Not that I know I will take them to much, but that I FEAR that I might. He doles them out and is my enabler in a different sense....enabling me to be safe. He and I have spoken many times my fears of being Bi-Polar, Addiction etc. One of the reasons I am glad we adopted-deepen the gene pool a little in that area..hehe

It is a standing order in the area of addiction that should I ever become addicted to pills, drugs, booze etc, to the point that I am incapable of making the correct decisions that he will instantly find me help no matter how much I beg, promise or plead. Until then, I fight the every day fight of weight and food and hope that I find the balance I desperately need.

Ceus Boys

This summer we had the privilege to meet C-Mans bio brother J. J is 11, C-Man is 8. These two boys knew who each other was instantly. The similarity between them was amazing. To take 2 kids who have never spent time together and put them in the same room you would have thought they had been best buds forever. Toes with the same creases, same facial expressions and dimples, same head shape (Jimmy Neutron...hehe) giggles that were alike and the same orneriness and charm that ooze from them.
J lives in Oregon, about 7 or so hours from us. His family is wonderful. It was great getting to meet them and see who this little guy was...amazing time.








Ceus Boys




















Jumping on the Trampoline

My Crazy Clan plus Juneau and his Brother Jackson. ( I am NOT trying to marry Jackson off before his time, he is a tender 17 almost 18, but ladies...he is going to be an awesome God loving, kind man soon!) hehe

Our Daddy

Daddy with one of his Princesses

Christmas Pepsi Mug

Die Hard BBQ Fan....even in the rain!

I wanted to take a few minutes to write a few lines about our daddy. Our daddy is the greatest daddy of all. Sept. 5th marked our daddies 39th b-day...he is quickly approaching the 40 year mark, but we will not mention it out loud in case it makes it come sooner!

WE LOVE YOU DADDY!!!!!!!

Haiti Post

Whenever I travel to Haiti I am usually overcome with emotion. I know that this is my children's country, their home, and home to the beautiful people I hope they grow to love and raise up as their own. I want my children to have a sense of Pride about where they come from, to say HAITIAN and KNOW what it means. Every time I go to Haiti, I take a little bit of it with me back here and leave a little bit of myself there.

When I go to Haiti I often go with the American mindset-life here is hard, the economy is hard, I am crabby at the person in front of me in line blah, blah, blah. When I leave Haiti I begin to see how petty and little MY problems really are and how everything around me is rich in American wealth, even the poor people here are wealthy by Haitian standards.

I saw a 15 year old mother begging for money, selling herself to anyone who came by, to feed herself and her starving child. She and her child had a hunger like I have never felt. We spoke to this mother about what the Lord can do for her and how if she came to the creche she could set her child up for adoption, or at least get her a few good meals, medical tests and schooling for herself, no strings attached. We, and I mean me and the Orphan teens and Claudette, gave her money and the address to the Creche and spoke to her about what the Creche was and how it could help her and her child...begged her to make the decision to at least come and check it out.
You see, at first I passed her off like every other beggar type person who comes to the window anytime you stop. But when the teens and Claudette took note of her, we heard her cry and beg us to help her baby, it made me take notice. For Orphan teens to dig into THEIR wallets to give to her made my world get smaller as I listened to her explain what she had been doing to feed her young baby.
The mother was thin, hair was somewhat orangish, but she was beautiful under all the sadness and hunger. Her daughter was sweet as well, but very skinny, little chicken legs poking out from the long shirt she wore. Her head was mostly bald except for a few patches of orange tufts poking out....Kwashiokors is not far off for her, this little girl was starving to death. She lay listless across her mothers shoulder and stared at us like we were not there. I wanted so desperately to take a picture of them, to show them to you and to remember her forever, but I would not ask...fear that I would come off as an American tourist clicking my camera at her sadness. Instead I hold her face, and the face of her daughter in my soul.
I hope and Pray that she comes to the Creche, that she begs for the Lord to help her and that he will hear her, and she will hear him.

She, and all of Haiti remind me of the quote on my blog by Bono~Where is God~ He is indeed in the slums.

Haiti Picture Post

Road to the NLL orphanage in Carrefour

Children danced for me to the Chocolate Song

View from the Orphanage balcony

Rooftop playground for the kids

Street market in Carrefour

View from the balcony-you can see the ocean in the distance

A woman walking to market

Group one of NLL kids~yes, I bribed them with piwhili's (suckers)

Group 2 NLL

Group 3 NLL kids

I am Back..I Think...

It has been an eternity since I have been on here. Between summer stuff with kids, work and fights I have little time or desire to do anything but TRY to sleep.

Had a few things this usmmer that have bene frustrating for me that has added to the stress of this thing I call my life.

I have a cousin, whom I love very much, come out as pretty much an addict. Well, she didn't COME OUT per se, she Overdosed....She spent a little time in the hospital but was not able to be committed for any type of rehab because she is an adult, an adult addict, but an adult. I fear for her as I know that my family on that side has a history of addiction, wether we want to face it or not.
EVERY member of the family has an addiction to one thing or another-food, cigarettes, alcohol or prescription drugs. I can say that here because I know that I am part of that....I have a food addiction that I work with every day. Knowing I have an addictive history and make up reminds me (read FEAR) that if I smoked, drank or tried drugs even once, that I would be an addict and lose everything. Knowing that, I do not typically drink (very rare occasion where a margarita is nice..) and only take prescription drugs given to me by my one and only Doctor. I hope and pray for my cousin as she fights her addiction to prescription drugs and hope that she can be convinced to seek the help she needs in time....I see my biological Dad, Rick, happening all over again unfortunately.

Also, as of today (Aug 24th) I am off to Haiti for a whirl wind trip to escort a sweetie home to her Forever Family. I am taking the camera and extra batteries so I am hoping to get some good pictures.....I will post when I get back here.

I hope to be back here more that school is now in session ( yes, ALL the kids are in school!) Hunter is now in 7th (Jr. High...yikes) Demi is in 4th, Kai 2nd and Nikaya hit the big Kindergarten...got a pic of her first day on the school bus and the first day of school I will post here soon!

KAI CEUS

Kai Ceus in Creche, aged 2 (courtesy Brownell's...THANK YOU!!!)

Kai, at Christmas this last year...with his mouth open as usual! ;-)

July 6, 2001 in a little area of Mirebalias, Haiti, Gladimy Ceus was born. He lived with his sweet Birth Mother, Lourdes (pronounced Lood) until she found herself unable to care for him at the tender age of 2. Lourdes took Kai to live at NLL with Dr. Bernard and his staff so he could be educated and possibly adopted by a family who could give him what she could not...a future.

Fast forward 6 months or so to my first visit to Haiti with Ange and Abby. One day on a trip to the Creche, I played with all of the little kids, not wanting to know names, ages, status of getting a family etc...I just wanted to love them all and play with them. I played with one little boy who hid around the corner from me during meal time and followed me pulling at my skirt. Every time I turned to look at him he would grin big...I mean BIG! I started to play peek-a-boo around the corner from him, looking around at him and then hiding. He sat me down in front of him and covered his eyes like peek-a-boo is played. Then when it came to the boo part, he slapped my cheeks something fierce. I was startled, but he giggled and giggled. One of the nannies showed me they kind of played like that, he was just a little rough due to his age of 2-ish.

When I got home from that trip my insides were jello. Haiti does something to you that is unexplainable unless you have been there. Part of you is glad to run away safely back home, the other half is sad to leave the place that you feel so close to God in.

When I got home I put his photo on the fridge and told Curt about the little boy I had fallen in love with...that we needed to pray that he got a home if he didn't have one, or that he was referred to a family soon and had a speedy adoption process.

About 1 year goes by. Curtis and I decide to adopt again. I tell him I wanted to check on the little boy I had met at the Creche and see if he was still available for adoption, age etc. He needed to be younger than Demi, since we wanted to keep ages in order due to how they came home-weird adoption logic to some, but it really does have its merits.

I scanned the photo I had of the little boy and asked. Within a couple of hours I received an email from NLL saying that the little boy was indeed available, a little over 3 years of age...PERFECT! Soon we began gathering paperwork for his adoption along with the adoption of an unknown little girl-figured we would get it done in one swoop..hehe

Our process for Kai was long...definitely not as long as it is now, but long for that time. During the process I went to Haiti to visit Kai and meet our new daughter, Nikaya (Mitchelle).

When I arrived, Kai was glad to see me, Nikaya wanted NOTHING to do with me. :-P She did come around, after several hours and animal cookies later.

The week I spent was glorious. I got to know the kids, their personalities and let them know that we were indeed real and that we loved them very much.

The day I had to leave them back at the Creche, broke my heart more than words can explain here. At the time I did not understand why I had to feel the way I did while leaving them again, but it gave me a perspective of the Birth Parents and what they must feel leaving the children as well. I knew that I would see the children again in a few months, but they do not know if they will ever see them again....WOW

After 18 months of waiting (10 months after my visit) Kai and Nikaya came home.

We are thankful every day for them, along with Hunter and Demi...they are truly blessings that we would not have had if things had turned out any other way but God's way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAI!

Alive and Kicking

We are alive and well and doing OK for the most part. Emily and the girls are doing OK and settling at her parent's house. My kids are excite that her oldest, C, will be going to school at their school...possibly in the same class! ;-)

Curt's dad, Ron, had to go to the hospital for chest pains and fluttering in his heart. He was in there for 2-3 days and had to have a cauterization procedure done to stop the heart from fluttering (hopefully for good). Derek got the call for a new liver, but the surgery was called off when the liver was found to have a disease they decided it best that Derek didn't have...so he waits.

Kids are enjoying the summer with Kate, she took them to the Zoo this week and they took pictures galore and had a blast. As it heats up they plan to go to the lake for water play, but until then they have ice fights on the trampoline!

I try to keep up with things around here as I work and struggle with my foot. The pain is really bad some days and I get frustrated I cannot just have the surgery right now. I am currently trying to get Curt's insurance to cover it since it is excluded from their plan...something that THEY as a COMPANY have decided I should live and suffer with, but an old man can get Viagra...not to fair if ya ask me! I will continue to fight until I can get it done and hope and pray that Advil gives me the relief I need.

I am still waiting for the trip to Haiti to bring little Carina home. It has been FOREVER and they are still waiting. Last we heard, they were having documents translated in order to go to the consulate. Once that is done we should be able to have Birth parent interview and then Visa interview and then travel. The frustration is that we are so close to the end, but we have been pretty much in this same place since April or May. The new mom and dad are also welcoming a new baby in tot he family as well, stress all around for them if ya ask me..hehe

SO, we work, play and hope to be doing good around here. I have a friend coming to our neck of the woods this summer (Ange and her Chaos) so we are hoping to see them. We also have a day in July to meet Kai's bio brother Juno...his family will be traveling thru and we are excited to meet and have the boys see each other for the first time. We will share photos of their Birth mom, as well as Birth sister I met when I traveled last time. Should be wonderful!

Quick Prayer Request

For my cousin Emily and her girls Catilyn (8) and Sara Beth (17 months).

Saturday my cousin's hubby commit suicide and Emily was the one who found him.

My heart hurts for her as she is to being a new life of single mom of two, to grieve and relive the nightmare of seeing her life partner the way he was left for her to find. Such a tragedy.

I know she will go thru the stages of grief, I hope that I will be able to be there for her and to provide her with the support she needs. I hope that her girls feel the love of their father and always know that what he did had NOTHING to with THEM, and EVERYTHING to do with HIMSELF.

Alive and Well

We are alive and well here, busy...but alive and well.

A couple of weeks ago I get sick...the kind of sick that you don't wish upon your worst enemy. I ended up going to my Doc who said I was dehydrated and could not leave until he had given me IV fluids and meds to stop me from loosing it from both ends (TMI I know..hehe)
After all day in the Doc's office, IV bag and several blood draws and med's, it was determined that I had a stomach flu, but NOT Swine Flu...YEAH!
I have recovered and am doing well.

Kids are out of school and summer is in full swing. We have a great gal named Katye (Kate as she likes to be called) that spends the day with the kids. Kai loves her but tests her, Nikaya loves her and Demi does as well. She is going to try some recipes out with Demi this summer as well as park visits, swimming etc. She is patient with the kids and handles them well. They love taking walks around the subdivision and riding bikes to a little park at one of the neighborhoods behind us.
Kids were surprised by her one day...Kate is hearing impaired. She wears hearing aides in both ears but does very well. Kai, thinking that she could not hear him and he could get away with things learned quickly that all is not as it seems..hehe

Work is going well for both of us. My hours are staying around 6-6.5 hours a day and then home for more 'work' to keep the house up. Curt has to work a little longer hours since his office moved further into downtown, adding about 15 minutes on to his commute-it is now about 40 min. Cannot complain since both of us have jobs, so we will deal with it! ;-)

Derek has been moved from #1 to #7 now back to #3 on the Liver transplant list...still praying for that to all come through.

Nikaya is getting ready for Kindergarten, she cannot wait until it starts...the other kids CAN wait.

Demi's Big reward

Demi received an award that she has been working toward all 3rd grade year...a new bike!
In order to receive the bike she had to have 100% attendance and score well on her IRI (Idaho Reading Indicator) and ISAT (Idaho Standardized Acheivment Testing)...she did all of the above and received the reward one day with her Pappy and Mammy!


Kai, Demi and Nikaya all mugging for the camera

Demi trying out the new wheels!

Demi with her Certificate and new bike!

DEREK UPDATE

Derek is in desperate need of prayers again...still....
He had a fever of 102.9* and was hospitalized due to dehydration and his liver enzyme counts being out of whack. On May 13th he had an ERCP, which allows the Docs to check on his bile ducts and the stint that they had placed in there to hold it open to give him the optimum use of this liver before possibly needing another one. They are not sure if it was the lack of antibiotics allowed for the procedure, the non sterile dye they use for the ERCP, or just God's timing, but Derek is in need of a transplant again.

For a while, Derek has been reactivated on the list, first being #9 with a MELD score of 5.8, then moved to #7 with a slightly higher score of 7.0. Today, Derek was moved to #1 with a MELD of 26! His MELD for the first transplant was 23. We now wait to hear word that a liver has come up, another family has had to make a hard decision, and that Derek is a match.

PLEASE, we ask that you pray for him, the other families that may be making this decision to donate, the Docs who will make the decision for which liver is his, transplant it and that the right one finally be implanted.
To be 29 yo and to have to go thru this again in such a short time is unimaginable, yet Derek keeps his spirits high and knows that it is for a purpose.

I will keep you updated! Thanks!

Hunter

Hunter and Aunt Heather, Mean mugging for the Camera on Easter '09

On May 3rd, 1997 a beautiful baby boy came to be in this world. He and a twin, our son Braeden, were born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti. our two sweeties were cared for by their Birth father until 18 days old, eating only sugar water because he didn't have anything else to feed them. He brought the two tiny little creatures to Dr. Bernard's home and begged him to take them. We received a call that we had waited for forever, we had a baby...well, TWO babies. They wanted us to know that they were tiny, malnourished and had a slim chance of survival, but they were ours if we wanted them. We said a hopeful YES to them and prayed that they would be safe and we could finally have the children we so desperately wanted.

You see, We had begun our process of adoption for a girl, we had girls referred that were taken away, girls that died after referral and girls that were to be ours that never ended up coming to the orphanage. Of course, that was 12 years ago and things were done differently in the Haitian adoption world than they are now...some for the best, some for the worst.

So anyway, We waited for news that we could travel. We got a call late one evening from Dr. B saying that our boys were sick and in the hospital..they were tiny, Hunter weighing in at 3.5lbs, Braeden weighing in a 2lbs. We prayed and begged for them to be able to come home, but knew they were not healthy enough to make the trip.

Two days later, we received another late night call from Dr. B, this one letting us know our worst fears, our sweet little Braeden had passed away at 1 month old. My knees gave way and I sat on the floor and cried, wondering what I had done somewhere to be punished so much to have to lose a child I never got to hold or tell I loved to their sweet little face. We were devastated, Louis the Birth father was devastated. He came to reclaim Braeden fro burial and begged us to continue to be Hunter's family...we had never had any other thought cross our minds, but he needed to know that in his mind that we were committed to Hunter...f course we were.

Hunter remained in the hospital in PAP for 1 more month and at the age of 2 months and 1 day, he arrived in Miami for us to pick up, being escorted by Mme. Bernard.

May 3rd was a wonderful day in our lives, it gave us the son we wanted and love so much, watching him grow and mature into a young man.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNTER, WE LOVE YOU!!!

Updates

Hello! Since it has been a couple of weeks since I was here last, I thought I would update everyone.

I had my dental appointment and was EXTREMELY high and got my molar pulled. All went well, I remember bits and pieces of the day, but not all of it. Nikaya had stayed home with daddy that day, since she wasn't feeling good and she laid on the couch with me to keep me company. She decided Spongebob was better viewed in her room since I snored to much and did not change the channel when needed...hehe

Kai had his visit to the Urologist. It had to be one of the single most hilarious times I have had in a while. When he arrived they gave him a cup with his name on it, to which he was excited for, thinking he was getting a snack with juice. When told he needed to pee in the cup he looked at all of us like we were insane and that was indeed disgusting. When he and I go into our little room, he proceeds to tell me he is big enough to do the job himself and goes into the bathroom. I peek thru the door in time to see him undo his britches, look at the cup, his pant and then how many hands he had and try to figure out how he was going to do it all. He then gets the brilliant idea to put the cup on the floor and aim from up high...hehehe I stop him in time to avoid a HUGE mess. Afterwards he and I sit in the little room that had WAY to many posters of men's anatomy on the wall. Kai is looking long and hard at one (which was the dissected view of the male anatomy), He finally exclaims " I know what that is!!!" I ask him "What is it?" to which he replies 'SQUIDWART!!" (the squid neighbor from Spongebob Squarepants) I never laughed so hard in my life. The Doc is thinking of renaming the poster in his honor. :-)

Life has been good, we have survived Nikaya having a temperature of 103.5*, my tooth hole causing pain (hoping for it not to be a dry socket and just allergies), and trying to get things done around here. I have some more news, but will put it all in seperate posts to keep from running you long on this one!

Get 'Er Done

OK...Demi's new retainer is in with her tooth on it..looks pretty good. She talks a little funny and will until she gets used to it being in her mouth. They will adjust the retainer from time to time as she grows, but she will need to wear it until her jaw stops growing and teeth quit falling out and something more permanent will be done-about the time she turns 18.

Kai and Nikaya have appointments tomorrow to start their immunizations-YUK! I have put it off and put it off and finally after much research decided to get it done. They will have to catch up, but do not require some of the shots that infants and toddlers do since they are older. They will probably have to go to the Doc about 1 time a month for shots until they are caught up, but it is for the best.
May 11th Kai has a visit with the urologist. This is a long time coming and will be gearing up to fix a problem he has which will probably require surgery. I will let you know when the surgery will be coming so you can all pray-it will be very much appreciated.

I have yet to get my tooth pulled but did see the doc. Right now I am living with infection in my jaw, but really the pain is getting worse and makes my head hurt all the time.
I told Curtis the infection is probably eating its way to my brain, which he replied "well, then it will starve" HAHA...everyone is a comedian. I am going to have to talk to them about what to do, but they have already told me they would drug me to the high heaves to pull it out and then we can go from there.

Met the foot Doc-he said my foot is C shaped with a bunion and bone spur, that is what is causing all the pain. I should watch how often I walk (I LOVE TO WALK) and watch the number of stairs I take (I have a 2 story house and climb stairs into the cage all the time...) . He wrapped my foot to help support it but I then had an allergic reaction to the tape-lost some skin and now I have a 'wookie foot' with adhesive that causes everything to stick to it from lint, cat hair to my own shoe. I will have to wait to get any kind of surgery done until I have money and go to Haiti to escort- I REFUSE to travel to Haiti in a boot that goes up to my knee. The surgery will go one of two ways-heal in 6-8 weeks with minimal crutch usage and smaller boot OR 8-10 weeks in a boot up to my knee and walker that requires a knee walker thing that I ped around on...FUN!

Heard from Haiti that they have the passport of the girl I will escort. Hoping all will go down so I can travel in June and then make plans to get my foot surgery completed...ah..more money needed...let it rain down cash from the sky cuz I don't have any!

Hope all is well with you out there, we are just living each day hoping to get to the next!

Debbie Downer Post...

Well...what a FABULOUS night followed by a CRAPTACULAR day.

Last night Curt and I went out for our 18 year anniversary! We went and had a nice (cheap) dinner at Applebee's and then went to see Jeff Dunham and Brian the Guitar Guy. They are comedians...Jeff D is the guy with the puppets like Achmed, Walter, Peanut and Jose Jalapeno; Guitar Guy, well...he is the guy with a guitar..hehe
We had a blast, the kids had fun here with Sam, our wonderful neighbor gal who watched all of them for us! Fun, FUN!!


Craptacular item #1:
Today we go do the dentist thing. They decide that the tooth that Demi has been working on for the last year (after her fall in the shower) is dead and root canal will not work...her body is reabsorbing the calcium and she must lose the tooth. They had her numb, but more had to be done so I held her hand as they numbed more and then chiseled that thing out of her, watched it crumble out of her mouth...permanent front tooth as well. :-(
Demi shed some tears, half out of fear of the procedure and half out of 'oh my gosh I wont have a tooth there now'. They have done the mold for a false tooth for her, it will be on a retainer type gizmo I guess;. should be done in 1-2 weeks..in the meantime the hole in her gums has to heal. Very sad and hard to watch.

Craptacular item #2:
I have MY appointment. I have made it 37 years without so much as a cavity. A couple of years ago I was naughty and chewing ice and cracked a tooth. I bypassed cavities and filings and went straight to ROOT CANAL...(insert scary music here) Now it appears that my wonderful root canal failed and I will have to have my tooth removed as well-molar on left side, but a BIG tooth none the less.

I am giving in today. I feel that when I am almost getting ahead I am shoved to the back to try and climb up again.
I try to exercise-my foot swells and my toe needs fixed=surgery...
My woman parts are not working right and need fixed=surgery...
My tooth was fixed and now infecting my jaw=surgery/removal...

I am so frustrated with life but try to remember that at least I have a life to complain about but I just want to sit in a hole, curl up in the fetal position and CRY.....


Sorry to be Debbie Downer....just been my day and It was MY day to have I guess.