Sunday, February 20, 2011

Life Changing Choices and Addiction

Well here I am a couple of months into the new year. Every year I vow to eat better, exercise more and make better choices for myself. Last year I was able to lose about 40lbs. This was BIG...I have also managed to gain back 12 of it before starting my new life choices the end of January.
I have been 'behaving myself' and trying to make better food choices and trying to mentally deal with addiction. I do not drink (maybe once in a blue moon I have a drink for fun), I do not smoke (idiotic with asthma), I do not gamble (do not think strategically and I suck at it..hehe) and I do not take drugs (not even an option), so I eat...plain and simple, eating is MY drug of choice. I have taken a good look around my family tree and addiction runs deep within it.
I eat when I am bored, stressed, hungry, tired, for the hell of it. I am trying to address the reasons I eat and look at each situation I crave food as an individual lesson for myself. I am trying to ask myself, WHY do you want to eat.... right now? Most of the time I will think about a type of food (carbs-corn tortilla's was a main staple in my diet) as well as chocolate, and I can imagine eating them until I am not happy unless I eat them. I manifest the craving into something of real hunger and need.
This has not been easy for me. Since January 29, 2011 until now, I have lost 10lbs. Now, I did NOT measure, although I wish I had, because I have lost many inches in the belly, arms and legs etc. I strive to lose so much more, while gaining more about myself than ever. To fight a mental craving may be worse than a physical need to eat. The first 2-3 days were the absolute worst. I did not time the beginning of the diet well, since it coincided with mother nature (I often don't know when this will happen due to early menopause) but it made me a nasty human to live with. I was yelling at the kids, Curt and everyone..generally being a nasty bit** to be around. Curt told me that he did NOT like my new diet and then once I eaplined WHY I was acting like I was he seemed to be more understanding. It is extremely hard to detox, live with hormone fluctuations and life changes and be kind to anyone including yourself. I have to say, I have done much better with it but I continue to try my hardest to make the right choices.
I will update here my progress. Wishing everyone out there the best in the new year!


Lorenz Family Blog said...

Hello! Been a long time!

Thanks for posting here. Your story & struggle sounds like my MIL's, who is still battling colon cancer. When we were with her last winter, I finally told her out flat that she had made food her god. This year, God has been working in me big-time to show me idols/gods in my life. I share this with you in hopes that it may be another little piece in helping you to figure out how to overcome. When we actually face our sin as sin, & confess to God that we make food (or whatever it is for each of us) an idol before Him, I believe it really helps to open doors in our relationship with God. I pray this helps you! And keep on...the longer you go without something, the easier it becomes! Your body is His temple; may it bless God!!

The Haiti Lady said...

HELLO! It has been a long while hasn't it! Miss you guys...have been so busy that church has been hit or miss, mostly miss lately. :-(
I am trying to make myself come here and purge..need it some days!
Hoping to see you soon!

Lorenz Family Blog said...

We are attending a different church, & have been since last summer. I appreciate having a way to keep in contact in a meaningful way with you here! FB stinks for "meaningful". Have a great day!