Monday, February 21, 2011

Vacuums Suck

Have you ever felt like you are stuck in a vacuum?

I have such frustration sometimes that all I do is getting me nowhere. I get frustrated that many days work is slow and I am don't get me wrong...getting paid to do a whole lot of nothing is nice sometimes, Other times it is down right sucky. I tend to sit there doing a crossword puzzle and think of all the things I COULD be doing at home or elsewhere. I feel I have accomplished nothing during my day and that makes me restless.

I have sent a resume out to a few places but nothing serious. I love change, really I do..but the unknown freaks me out to no end..(enter control freak here...) The thought of going somewhere else and losing my freedom to come and go as needed for the kids scares me alot. What if one of them becomes ill or there is a meeting at school I need to attend? What if one of them has a sporting event I want to go to? ARGH!

I also look back on some things and some people with regret. Many times lately I have looked back at the loss of my EMT license with quite a bit of sadness. I would LOVE to go back and get my EMT license again, possibly even go to EMT Advanced and get a job with an Ambulance locally.
Bottom of totem pole and cruddy shifts (BAD for family time)
Starting anew in something that I really do NOT have time for to begin with.
More loss of time with family and not sure of where I would go with it
MONEY to do the classes
So, when I see friends that are doing the classes I feel such anger at myself and a little bit of the wishing it was me doing it as well. I am not 100% sure that if I had the money I would be able to come up with the time. I am very overwhelmed some days with a job, house, kids and life in general to take time for a class 2-3 nights per week, but still I think about it often.

I don't know what the future holds, but I can only hope and pray that I can keep up! ;-)

No comments: