Friday, May 25, 2007

Pouring My Heart Out

I have always liked change...certain change though, not all.
Here is the story...
I went to Portland on Tuesday for the yearly planning meeting. After hours of training it was time for me to head home. In the car on the way to the airport, my boss tells me that they have been doing budget stuff for the end of the Fiscal year and that my adoption program has lost about $69,000. Due to the Hague going into effect, they need to cut back expenses etc. and that they feel they may end the Haiti program I work with. WHAT??? I was totally floored. I mean...$69,000 where did it go? I will be honest, I make $10 and hour for an average of no more than $600 a month, pay my own phone bill, Internet bill and cell phone bill. On the average month, my phone bill is no less than $100 , my cell is no less than $70 and my Internet is $40...I would say that they get a real damn good deal and I should be the one reporting a $69,000 loss on my program.
Anyway, I was blindsided by this fact. I had 10 families in process, 2 came home and 8 more are still in process in Haiti. I REFUSE to leave them without a Coordinator, so I do not know what my job will do with it all if they decide to close the program. If need be, I will work for the families as a friend and complete their jounrney's with them. Not that I want to be narcissistic, but no one else at my place of employment can do my job like I can...no one understands the beast of Haiti like I do and can guide the families and understand their frustration with a majorly corrupt country like Haiti. I do not view what I do as a 'job', it is my 'calling'...plain and simple!
So, I am lost...my heart hurts...I do not like this kind of not knowing and change going on in my life. Move the furniture around change I like, this...I do not!

1 comment:

Together Forever! said...

Im sorry to hear this and hope you do not get shut down. Your job is very important and you are needed!
Our prayers are with you.
Becky