Thursday, March 01, 2007


As of lately I have been struggling health wise. Starting in Novemeber 2006, I had emergency gallbladder surgery. One month to the day we arrived in Haiti for 10 days....lifting kids and traveling international when I had not gotten clearance to go anywhere. January was pretty good for all of us, than February hit. February has been wrought with colds, flu, back pain and stress for me. Curtis is going to school and is not as readily able to help in the child care area as we had hoped. I know that struggling health wise has caused my mental faculties to suffer as well. I am not being the mommy I had hoped to be. I am crabby, snappy and all around a big boob to be around sometimes. I have talked to other families who have had some of the same symptoms and have pretty much figured out that I have Post Adoption Depression Syndrome. PADS is alot like Post Partum Depression....but for the adopter as opposed to the birther....make sense? I know, no one had better go Scientologist on me and tell me I could make myself better with some colonic or something...hehe
Anywhoo...I have an appointment with my Dr. on Monday to have him evaluate me and get my med's adjusted. As someone who suffers from depression and Fibromyalgia anyways, it should not surprise me that I have this .

I am just struggling with the stigma that goes along with it. While I am moody and whiny and weepy, I have friends that do not understand. I usually hear "well, YOU are the one who went out and adopted the kids" or "You WANTED to add more kids to your family..." DUH...I know that, but it doesn't change hormones, mental issues etc...that can come along with a major life change. Makes me want to tell the ones that say that to stick it where the sun doesn't shine!!!
I am so happy to have the kids home, I would NOT change that for the world. What I cannot change and must deal with is that I have doubled my children and not the number of hours in the day, I did not grow another two arms to help out in the extra work, and I sure didn't get any extra brain cells to help me with their coming home issues etc. Don't get me wrong, the kids have bonded well and couldn't be better....they are needy, but I can deal with that. All I can say is that I am not the mommy I want to be right now.
I will post more once I go to the Dr. and can figure it all out. Until then, prayers would greatly be appreciated!!!

1 comment:

Julie said...

I am so sorry you are struggling. When I adopted Marissa I was single and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about my feelings. I already thought there were people who were judging me for adopting a child while pregnant. I turned to prayer and Bible reading ~ knowing that there does exist someone who loves me unconditionally and made a plan for my life: a plan that included a 7-year-old child who had just failed an adoption because she didn't behave right.

Adjusting to new family roles is difficult for you and your little ones ~ I will pray for you as everyone settles in.