A Day In The Life of The Haiti Lady: Struggling

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Struggling

As of lately I have been struggling health wise. Starting in Novemeber 2006, I had emergency gallbladder surgery. One month to the day we arrived in Haiti for 10 days....lifting kids and traveling international when I had not gotten clearance to go anywhere. January was pretty good for all of us, than February hit. February has been wrought with colds, flu, back pain and stress for me. Curtis is going to school and is not as readily able to help in the child care area as we had hoped. I know that struggling health wise has caused my mental faculties to suffer as well. I am not being the mommy I had hoped to be. I am crabby, snappy and all around a big boob to be around sometimes. I have talked to other families who have had some of the same symptoms and have pretty much figured out that I have Post Adoption Depression Syndrome. PADS is alot like Post Partum Depression....but for the adopter as opposed to the birther....make sense? I know, no one had better go Scientologist on me and tell me I could make myself better with some colonic or something...hehe
Anywhoo...I have an appointment with my Dr. on Monday to have him evaluate me and get my med's adjusted. As someone who suffers from depression and Fibromyalgia anyways, it should not surprise me that I have this .

I am just struggling with the stigma that goes along with it. While I am moody and whiny and weepy, I have friends that do not understand. I usually hear "well, YOU are the one who went out and adopted the kids" or "You WANTED to add more kids to your family..." DUH...I know that, but it doesn't change hormones, mental issues etc...that can come along with a major life change. Makes me want to tell the ones that say that to stick it where the sun doesn't shine!!!
I am so happy to have the kids home, I would NOT change that for the world. What I cannot change and must deal with is that I have doubled my children and not the number of hours in the day, I did not grow another two arms to help out in the extra work, and I sure didn't get any extra brain cells to help me with their coming home issues etc. Don't get me wrong, the kids have bonded well and couldn't be better....they are needy, but I can deal with that. All I can say is that I am not the mommy I want to be right now.
I will post more once I go to the Dr. and can figure it all out. Until then, prayers would greatly be appreciated!!!

1 comment:

Julie said...: I am so sorry you are struggling. When I adopted Marissa I was single and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about my feelings. I already thought there were people who were judging me for adopting a child while pregnant. I turned to prayer and Bible reading ~ knowing that there does exist someone who loves me unconditionally and made a plan for my life: a plan that included a 7-year-old child who had just failed an adoption because she didn't behave right.

Adjusting to new family roles is difficult for you and your little ones ~ I will pray for you as everyone settles in.; 5:59 AM

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We Are Responsible

We are responsible for children who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
who like to be tickled,
who stomp in puddles and ruin their pants,
who sneak Popsicles before supper,
who erase holes in math workbooks,
who can never find their shoes.
And we are responsible for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wires,
who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never "counted potatoes",
who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
who never got to the circus,
who live in an x-rated world.
We are responsible for children
who give us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
who cover themselves with Band-Aids and sing off-key,
who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
who slurp their soup.
And we are responsible for those who never get dessert,
who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
who watch their parents watch them die,
who can't find any bread to steal,
who don't have any rooms to clean up,
whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
whose monsters are real.
We are responsible for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
who like ghost stories,
who shove dirty clothes under the bed ,
and never rinse the tub,
who get visits from the tooth fairy,
who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
who squirm in church and scream in the phone,
whose tears we sometimes laugh at and
whose smiles can make us cry.
And we are responsible for those whose nightmares come in the daytime,
who will eat anything,
who have never seen a dentist,
who aren't spoiled by anybody,
who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
who live and move, but have no being.
We are responsible for children who want to be carried, and for those who must be...
For those we never give up on,
and for those who don't get a second chance.
For those we smother... and for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.
~Ina Hughes