Saturday, June 10, 2006

Missing My kids

Well today after cheerleading (Roo's not mine ;-) I came home and began my daily search for everything Haiti online. This is one way that I keep on top of my calling/job, by seeing which adoption agencies are working in Haiti and who is adopting from where and fees and all that jazz.

WELL...it usually ends up with me looking at more photos of Haiti and wishing I was making another trip soon...sooner than I really will be since we are still in IBESR. It got me to missing my two kids that are still there something awful. I felt so very empty, like a big hole was in my heart and an emptiness in my arms...makes them ache. It is hard for some to understand, unless you have actually been there...done that...type of situation.

It is hard to explain the love you have for a child that is yours that you are not pregnant with or can feel with you every day kicking. Some families have not yet met their children and they still feel that love for them, just from a photo......it is VERY powerful. You can look at a picutre of a child that looks nothing like you and KNOW that this is to be your child, that God has given them to you. You wait for this child and the wait time is determined by something so far out of your control in a country that is typically run by bribes and greed and chaos...it is a trust building exercise for sure.

Now I have NEVER been accused of being patient, I don't believe I ever will be either. However, I have tried to learn to trust in what God has told me about my children and that they will be home in HIS timing and NOT mine! This is a prayer that I seek for him to answer for me in the ability to trust in him and his timing and control over the situation. I know that I need to pray for the ability to turn it over to him...TOTALLY..which I am also not good at.
Until I am I will be destined to feel the ache in my heart and my arms and to hold onto the hope that my kids will be home soon!

I will pray for the empty hearts of the other moms and dads out there who feel the same way. Pray that our kids are home soon and that until they are we are peaceful with the timing and process for his great name!

2 comments:

B E C K Y said...

Beautiful post!

Kim said...

I agree totally, even though I fought every step of the way, my patience has been stretched, I have a long way to go but I am much better than I was before the adoption, but we are not through yet ;0)